If you didn't know before you came to this website that "to dissertate" was an actual verb, you're probably a relatively non-neurotic, fairly well-adjusted person with a more or less thriving social life.
"Dissertating" is that strange activity Ph.D. students engage in over an arduous period of 4 to 15 years, often in self-imposed seclusion, at the end of which they hope to emerge scarred but glorious as the proud possessor of a Doctoral degree. Legend has it that this elusive commodity called the Doctorate grants eternal middle age, as well as clearing away all of your back acne. This no doubt explains the irresistible allure it holds for countless graduate students worldwide; many have been physically and psychologically broken, stunted, or corrupted in pursuit of this academic holy grail.
I've been officially "dissertating" since the summer of 2002, when my dissertation prospectus was passed by the powers-that-be-the-graduate-committee. My discipline is English; I specialize in nineteenth-century British literature. I hope to complete my dissertation by the end of 2005, but with my busy TV-watching, tea-drinking, boyfriend-nagging schedule, this could prove to be something of a challenge.
Below is a growing list of things I've learned about the process of dissertating, that I hope will assist and enlighten those who are treading a similar path.
1. Dissertation-writing is hard. This entirely unexpected discovery was made pretty early on, and years later I'm still looking for ways to sidestep this alarming obstacle.
2. Don't try to keep your work area organized. It's an entirely fruitless endeavor anyway, and it can also lead to the paralyzing realization that the mountain of notes, articles, and books you've gathered about your computer has in fact been producing an illusion of productivity that hides the puny number of pages you've actually written.
3. There's always going to be more stuff you'll feel you need to read. This doesn't mean that you're stupid and uninformed. Except in some rare cases. And even then, it can't be helped.
4. It's a good idea to have two different chapters going at the same time. If you get stuck on one, you can always work on the other, instead of wasting valuable time agonizing over your inability to continue.
5. If you write about texts you love and are fascinated with, this will increase the chances of your actually having fun writing the dissertation.
6. Form dissertation groups with colleagues who know you and your work, and meet with them regularly to exchange drafts and comments. Besides proximating social activity, these meetings will help you to think outside your own head and to maintain a steady pace in your work.
7. Consider varying your sources of caffeine intake. By switching sporadically from coffee to Coke to Mountain Dew to black tea, you will be able to add a sense of variety and spontaneity to your night life. Plus, this might help prevent your system from becoming immune to any one source. Remember, you have to keep that caffeine high going for a fair number of years, and it wouldn't do to run out of things that can give you that perky feeling in the dead of night.
8. Take up a hobby or activity that's completely unrelated to your dissertation. Saving part of your day for something outside of work could mean the difference between sanity and total capitulation to your ever-increasing mass of neuroses.
9. Do plenty of non-academic reading and writing alongside your dissertation work. Hopefully, this will help you to preserve a sense of how people write when their world is not beleaguered by jargony prose and indecipherable syntax. If you're already too far gone to be saved, consider taking up cross stitching. This simple yet engrossing pastime will keep your hands occupied for hours on end and thus minimize the number of sentences you inflict on the world.